Why everyone should own a Staff

Case Study: John Do is walking down a busy highway the other day, minding his own business. Upon his journey he wonders past the final resting place of a dead cat. Obviously hit by a vehicle and somewhat torn open, John commences to poke at it with his index finger; as any person named John Do would. Later that week John's feet fall off, and later that month he passes away from a horrific, incurable index finger infection. John had poked his final cat, but could this of been prevented, and how?

Well I'll tell you how, you fucking monkeys. John wasn't carrying a six foot long staff, that if used properly, could have prevented a horrific, incurable index finger infection. (HIIFI) The reason John wasn't carring his staff that day is because there is currently no statute in Oregon, or Federal law that require a person walking down the street to carry a six foot long staff. If that alone is not criminal negligence on the governments behalf I don't know what is. With a staff in his hands John would be alive today, and probably would have enjoyed poking the cat more.

In the days of old it was said, "A man with a staff, is a man with a destiny." What happened to this simplistic path of thinking. Germans, that's what. Once the Germans came around staffs were outlawed, and the great staff builders guild in Hamburg was burnt to the ground in 1347 A.D. (Great Guild Fires pg. 63-64) Staff wielders were persecuted and the Catholics were no help. To try to get you to understand the fear that was in the air at the time I give you this quote, recorded by a long lost author, "I walked with my staff yesterday, I ran with it today, will I see tommorrow?" Those god damn Germans thought they new it all, but the day is coming when staffs will reappear on the streets of the world.

A person can do so much with a staff, such as: dial a phone from six feet away, turn off the lights from six feet away, message your spouse from six feet away, or type essays on ridiclous viewpoints from six feet away, ect. The list goes, and if you want more ideas look for my new book coming out this spring, Living Life from Six Feet Away. The simple fact remains that owning a staff would greatly increase your standered of life and severly reduce wicked cases of HIIFI. Jesus walked with a staff, so put that in your pipe and smoke it. I leave you with yet another quote, or should I say question? This one from the great medevil scholar Peter Abelard.

"Does it matter how thick my staff is
or is it just about length?"

P.Abelard 1256 AD

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